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Who Else Were We Supposed to Become?

by Maiden King

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    The debut LP "Who Else Were We Supposed to Become?" from Maiden King, the solo project of Jake Hawrylak.

    160g "Baby Blanket" Blue Vinyl with lyric insert innersleeve and full color jacket.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Who Else Were We Supposed to Become? via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $30 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $12 USD  or more

     

1.
we live in a young country that never earned its wings the growing boy who finds a wounded bird is capable of so many things a stick can mend a bone or two or wipe the world away it’s easy to believe when it’s hard to decay they say the choice is yours to make if fruit grows on the tree but what brought you to the crossroads and who planted the seed? it’s not the question or the answer no, it’s somewhere in between all my life i’ve been living someone else’s dream we live in a dark country that only eats its youth line them up, dress them down and always hide the truth a hand can stroke a cheek or two or something in between my legs can carry me away or plant me in my feet they say the choice is mine to make, i’m looking for the proof is it buried in the basement, or drying on the roof? no it’s not the question or the answer no, it’s somewhere in between all my life i’ve been living someone else’s dream i’m growing weary and feeling strange i see it clearly something has to change something has to change if we lived in a brave country would i want to leave? the growing boy who always heeds his heart becomes the man who is free
2.
Footprints 05:40
i find my footsteps so inviting when they carry me from harm i’ve been looking for someone inside me who can hold me in their arms and grown awful used to sick of fighting when there’s nothing to forgive the truth is so much less exciting: now i hide from what i’ve hid the light warms the leaves a coming storm is all i see the dirt holds my feet a quiet place is all i need i used to climb along the mountains for the secrets they would bring surrendering to my surroundings, would they tremble when i sing? but i left it all upon the shelf where the dust can calcify running towards some “better self” without seeing eye to eye the light warms the leaves a distant storm is all i see the dirt holds my feet a quiet place is all i need a steady stream to hold my hand the patience of an aging man another branch grows on the tree there’s a quiet boy inside a car who’d give his life for shooting stars a beating heart is all he needs i find my footsteps so inviting as we walk along the stream giving life to one beside me who is not too old to dream the light warms the leaves a fading storm is all i see the dirt holds my feet a beating heart is all i need
3.
Bounty 03:40
walking in the arroyo bank with the bounty in our hands: a stack of used reporters and a stolen axe can and 12 years later it would all blow up again running from the ghosts we were too young to understand and why does it all seem so near to me now? anything can happen if you lay your armor down you met me at the entrance with a story to tell you said “the pussies walk through heaven, but all the real men walk through hell” and now i say that all of that is behind us and i would rather not dwell the past does not define us, but you can’t deny its spell and why does it all seem so far from me now? anything can happen it i lay my armor down night pours over us and dusk rolls off our shoes i’m finally old enough to say what’s overdue and if i’m being honest i know that there is a lot that i’ve assumed and then repeated and promised that love is only a thing we have to prove and i have carried this often so many stories of who you need to be when all that i’ve ever wanted was someone to walk the arroyo banks with me
4.
Glory 04:13
i swear i thought i told you that i’ve never smoked a pipe it’s a sticky turkish blend though, do you have a light? and of course i don’t mind sharing i’m the over-sharing type i just hope one day that i can buck the hype all glory to the autumn and the distant sound of trains when all this is forgotten lord, just let me keep the pain… or else i’d never learn i chased you around the campus playing trumpet on the lawn we drank until the borderlines were gone too old to feel ashamed of this, too young to know what’s wrong another year the questions linger on all glory to the autumn and the fading sounds of trains when all this is forgotten lord, just let me keep her name who else were we supposed to become? and what else were we supposed to have done? you can feel it there on the back of your tongue it doesn’t wait for anyone you know, i’d love to tell myself i’m older than i seem the prairie air hangs like a fever dream but i’d gladly trade my hubris and my insincerities to wrestle once again beneath the leaves and for the glory of that autumn after the endless august rain when the dirt begins to soften and we forget to bring our shame
5.
One Days 03:33
one day i’ll feel bigger than this ocean in me whose ugly unspokenness cannot be redeemed and all of this always plays on repeat with all of my “one days…” that i’ve been deceived to accept i could’ve sworn that this year’d be different in the light of the last the days move so slowly and the weeks move so fast and all of those mondays living through a mask with all of my old ways begging me to answer: “why don’t you ever learn?” now and then i think of all that i’ve offered in the name of a dream and how quickly it all turned in the face of disease and all of it’s so strange, what we pawn to believe that none of us can change a goddamn thing so we sing: “why don’t you ever learn?” i’ve always been a good liar never been soft on keeping score now and then i grow tired and yet it all sits so ignored so why don’t we let it burn?
6.
Erosion 04:42
a thickening sediment grows in the medicine every morning “why do you live like this?” why do you give a shit? same old story: this only ever happens to me dew on a laundry line air of the summertime take me home i wanna feel free again wanna feel clean again shape the stone where the river bends to meet the sea bone white, the moonlight and all the ghosts who walk with me inside the forest i will offer up my offering: too often i’ve been covering this pain a quickening static trickles out from the attic and shapes my room am i being overdramatic or is this burgeoning panic when i assume that this only ever happens to me? bone white, the moonlight and all the ghosts who walk with me inside the forest i will offer up my offering: too often i’ve been coveting this pain
7.
Measurements 04:41
the first time i got stoned by myself the dusk glowed an orange on a purple greenbelt a new paradox had entered my mind and i forgot who i was for the first time i went for a walk in the glow while a man sang a song about a real ufo the sun tapered off, a thin amber line and i gave myself up to a new light and i couldn’t believe my eyes the world i had rendered had lost its design in my stupor i went down the road safe from the fears i’d later know the prairie stretched out like the sea as great waves of twilight blurred the cattle and trees and then tapered off a trick of the light? a feeling so small and so vast at the same time do you ever think that all this is all for nothing? do you wonder what it’s like to be a king? do you think we ask too many fucking questions? do you think i’m oversimplifying things? i wanna believe in the silence but i’ve not been listening
8.
Free 03:49
i’ve had another rough week towering above me how did we get here again? you told me “leave it in the front yard no one needs a new car why don’t you phone up a friend?” but my life is not a gameshow regis, let me go home i don’t know if i trust the audience and i don’t know if i wanna see the end i just wanna feel free have you ever known what that means at all? i’ve never known what that means at all i’ve been cheering for the wrong team fighting for an old dream teetering on the unknown oh, let me blame it on the mentors when i opened the wrong doors tell me, where would you go? or, let’s savor something senseless savor what you can’t miss meet me somewhere in the dialtone let’s go somewhere we’ve yet to be alone somewhere we can feel free have you ever known what that means at all? i’ve never known what that means at all do you hear the whispering of the voices out on the moor? or is it the whimpering of the empty path from before? nobody tells me what to do
9.
Shelter 04:15
june drips on the windowsill and maybe i should keep this closed wet wood will rot the frame, but how was i supposed to know? maybe it’s something that’s yearning to be exposed? there in the kitchen light: the outline of your mother’s ghost well i skip my step between the cracks and draw my life out in the lines see i’m hungry for a steady pay that feeds me and my soul in kind maybe it’s something that’s yearning to ease my mind? but nobody tells you you’re never running out of time somewhere beneath the paint lies the story of the first to leave this place but how the hell do i leave this behind? lord, let me dig a hole that I can never find --- sun shines on a roaring shore and holds the thunder in the air blood rolls off my sweaty leg but no one really seems to care maybe this feeling has always been hiding here? nobody tells you never need to be repaired
10.
Tangible 04:40
let this be a lesson that you might understand how the winter turns the water to something tangible in your hand and yet all this thaws in the end the summer breeds a fever, the fever brings amends the mending makes an offer: forget who you have been soon december brings me back again and through it all, i wanna be somewhere quiet somewhere close to you let’s stay a little longer where the crock pot fills the air and let this boil over like fingers through your hair while something so tangible coats the land ‘cause the fall’s secret desire is to linger on despair to dig a little deeper, to find something to share to lift it out and give it to a friend who wants to be somewhere quiet somewhere close to you and every year the colors change but the more you learn to lose the more you stand to gain the shoreline’s lookin clearer, the docks have been repaired and all i wanna know is, will you meet me there? to linger in the dusk …
11.
One Days 03:33
one day i’ll feel bigger than this ocean in me whose ugly unspokenness cannot be redeemed and all of this always plays on repeat with all of my “one days…” that i’ve been deceived to accept i could’ve sworn that this year’d be different in the light of the last the days move so slowly and the weeks move so fast and all of those mondays living through a mask with all of my old ways begging me to answer: “why don’t you ever learn?” now and then i think of all that i’ve offered in the name of a dream and how quickly it all turned in the face of disease and all of it’s so strange, what we pawn to believe that none of us can change a goddamn thing so we sing: “why don’t you ever learn?” i’ve always been a good liar never been soft on keeping score now and then i grow tired and yet it all sits so ignored so why don’t we let it burn?

about

The LP was written to mythologize a number of wandering memories that kept floating into focus during the early months of the pandemic. The first moment of derealization as a young man; a rambunctious tale of arson in the shadow of a bigger fight with a dear friend; escaping the mire of one’s self esteem; and finally a moment (or two) of quiet acceptance. Though seemingly disparate, the coalescence of all of these began to paint a clearer picture. The title is completely rhetorical, a kind of matter of fact reckoning with the person you were always going to become and the peace that can finally settle when you stop fighting it.

The record was written at home and recorded at Shirk Studios in Chicago, IL. It was engineered, mixed and co-produced by Stephen Shirk, with some serious heavy lifting on behalf of Sam Subar, a brilliant young drummer who helped breathe so much life into these songs where I couldn’t. I demoed and/or got as far as mixing on two other albums prior to this one but couldn’t find my way in to the songs anymore. Some were too old, some just belonged more to a younger version of myself that I no longer relate to, some just weren’t good enough for me. But something magical and strange happened when I gave myself permission to throw away all those songs and the music that became this record was able to live and breathe freely.

credits

released December 1, 2023

All songs written and produced by Jake Hawrylak
Engineered, mixed, and co-produced by Stephen Shirk at Shirk Studios Chicago, IL
Mastered by Anthony Gravino at High Cross Sound Urbana, IL USA
Photos by Cory DeWald
Design and Layout by Bryan Kveton

Sam Genualdi - lap steel on 1, 2, 3, 6 and 7
Sam Subar - drums and percussion on 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, and 10
Paul Grill - drums and percussion on 6
Ivan Pyzow - trumpet on 3, 6, and 7
Molly Rife - cello on 1 and 10
Reno Cruz - banjo on 6
Chuck Bontrager - violin on 10
Jessica DeArcangelis - additional vocals on 10
Josh Jessen - synths on 5
Sebastian Espeset - ambient assistance on 5
Jake Hawrylak - all other instruments

Endless thank you and gratitude to Stephen Shirk for giving this music the depth it deserves; to all the performers for breathing new life into these old rooms; to my parents and brother for all the love, support, patience and kindness; to Sebastian Espeset for holding my feet to the flames and being the A team; to Jessica DeArcangelis for being such a force for light and love and encouraging me when I couldn’t. This music would not exist without any of you.

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Maiden King Chicago, Illinois

Chicago based songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, producer and friend.

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